Marriage Investors,

Think back to the early days of your relationship. Before the mortgage, before the kids’ schedules, before the long list of things that need to get done. What did you do together? Chances are, you talked for hours. You laughed at things nobody else found funny. You wanted to know what the other person thought about everything. In a word, you were friends.

Somewhere along the way, many couples become excellent partners and slowly stop being close friends. We run the household well. We coordinate, we problem-solve, we show up. But the easy, enjoyable companionship that drew us together can quietly fade into the background. If that’s where you are, we want you to hear this: friendship in marriage isn’t something you either have or don’t have. It’s something you build, one small deposit at a time.

Why Friendship Is the Foundation

Some of the most beautiful words in Scripture about marriage come from the Song of Solomon, where the bride describes her husband this way:

“This is my beloved, and this is my friend.” (Song of Solomon 5:16, KJV)

Notice she doesn’t stop at beloved. Romance matters, but she also calls him her friend. That’s the kind of marriage God had in mind: one where passion and companionship live side by side.

We’ve seen it again and again in our own marriage and with the couples we walk alongside. When friendship is strong, conflict feels less threatening, because you know you’re on the same team. Hard seasons feel less lonely, because you have someone beside you who truly gets you. And romance has something solid to grow from, because it’s hard to feel close to someone you don’t really enjoy being around.

Friendship is like the steady, compounding interest in your marriage account. It’s not flashy, but over time it makes everything else richer.

Small Deposits That Build Real Friendship

You don’t need a weekend getaway to rebuild friendship with your spouse (though we’d never talk you out of one!). Friendship grows in the ordinary moments. Here are a few simple deposits you can start making this week:

• Get curious again. Ask questions that go beyond logistics. “What’s been on your mind lately?” “What are you looking forward to?” “What’s something you’ve been wanting to try?” Then listen like it’s the most interesting conversation of your day.
• Do something side by side. Friends share experiences. Take a walk after dinner, cook a new recipe together, work in the yard, or pick up a hobby you can both enjoy. Shoulder-to-shoulder time builds connection in a way that face-to-face “talks” sometimes can’t.
• Bring back the laughter. Revisit the inside jokes. Watch something funny together. Don’t take every moment so seriously. Laughter is one of the quickest ways to remind each other, “I like you.”
• Be loyal in public and in private. A true friend speaks well of you when you’re not in the room. Guard your spouse’s reputation with family, friends, and coworkers. Celebrate them out loud.
• Share the small stuff. Send the text about the funny thing that happened at work. Tell them about the song that reminded you of them. Friends let each other into the little details of life.

None of these take much time or money. What they take is intention. Each one is a small deposit that says, “You matter to me, not just as my partner, but as my person.”

When Friendship Feels Far Away

Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “We haven’t felt like friends in a long time.” Please don’t lose heart. Distance usually builds slowly, and closeness can be rebuilt the same way: slowly, steadily, and with grace.

Start small. Pick one deposit from the list above and commit to it for the next seven days. Don’t announce a big marriage overhaul; just begin showing up as a friend. Offer a little more kindness than usual. Assume the best. Be the first to reach across the gap.

And invite God into the process. Pray for your spouse by name, not only for their needs but for your friendship with them. Ask the Lord to soften your heart and help you see your spouse the way He does. He delights in restoring what has grown cold, and He is faithful to meet couples who take even one step toward each other.

Here’s a simple question to talk about together this week: “What’s one thing we used to do together that we’d love to bring back?” You might be surprised at how much warmth that one conversation can stir up.

Keep Investing in Your Best Friend

If you’d like a clearer picture of where your marriage is right now, including how connected you feel as friends, take our free Marriage Score. It only takes a few minutes and gives you a great starting point for conversation. For more tools to grow closer, visit our shop for our books and resources. And if you’re ready for some personal guidance, we’d love to walk with you through one-on-one coaching.

Your spouse was meant to be more than your partner. They were meant to be your friend. Make a deposit today.

Keep investing,
Marcellus & Valerie